Once last fall, in the midst of battling the worst of my post-heart-attack depression, I told a friend to be worried if I didn’t blog for a while. That writing was something positive I was doing, and if I couldn’t summon the energy to write, something must be wrong.
So, unsurprisingly, she was a little worried when there was only one post in March, and that was about how much I love nuts.
But it wasn’t depression this time, it was just my regular life taking over, and I think that’s a good sign. We went on vacation in early March, and when we returned, I had a lot of volunteer work to get done, chairing my sons’ school PTA auction fundraiser. With only a few limited work hours available when my little Emperor Palpatine wants me to help catch Clone Troopers hiding in the dining room, I was just, well, busy.
So it’s been a while.
It’s also been a while since my heart attack, at least in the cardiac-care world I live in. Eight months tomorrow, to be exact. Not that I’m counting.
Oh wait, yes I am. Did you know that 42% of women who’ve had heart attacks die within the first year? Most of the time I feel safe and healthy and happy, and eagerly plan my summer of strenuous races and tennis lessons and yoga and training. And then I realize how lucky I am that I’m training for a marathon within a year of my heart attack. That I get to work out as hard as I want. That I can play baseball for hours with my family on Easter. That I’m here at all.
Sometimes I can’t wait until August 14 and I pass my one-year anniversary. Will I then be safe from that statistic? It’s been a while. But not long enough.
You’re going to make it! You are beating the statistics already sister.
I so understand this! I feel really good too, but that statistic is always in the back of my mind. I have until October 13 and then I hope that goes away. I think it is awesome that you are marathon training. I have never been an runner, but wish you good luck in your next one!
Jen,
You will be fine come August 14. The statistics include all of the people who don’t do the right things like proper diet, exercise, stress control and meds. And many of them keep smoking. If they don’t do the right things, then the same thing will happen to them again and that’s the major reason for repeat attacks. I had my 15 attacks, all one day, 18 months ago and I had the same reservations as you do now. My cardiologist told me that, if I did the right things, that my chances of ever having another attack were much lower than most other people in society. Depression, anxiety and a bit of self-doubt creep in for all survivors occasionally but that’s just to keep you focused. Look in the mirror each day and say “I feel great and I’ll never let this happen again”. And it won’t.
Jeff
While in the darkest throes of debilitating post-heart attack depression (unlike Dr. Williams’ description of it merely “creeping in” – this was a traumatic and debilitating reality for me) I was referred to a therapist, whom I saw weekly, then biweekly when I started to function better. When I one day totally forgot to attend my appointment, my therapist just laughed and told me that it was simply a good sign that my “real life” had become more important to me than my visits with her!
Good luck on the journey towards your August “birthday” celebration!
cheers,
Carolyn